For years my wife has gotten piss as hell at me for having the ability to walk in and walk out of a store with presents people love. It blows her mind that I'm able to figure out what to buy someone. I'm here to let you know it's not a mystery in how I can do it. I'm here to help you figure out what to buy everyone on your Christmas List.
Picking a present for someone is about a few things. Will they like it? Is the person worth that much money? Do I know the person enough to get them a real present?
Money is one of the biggest issues. If you spend money on someone you don't want to receive something worth nothing. So when you shop have a price limit for each person. Next once you know your limit and have a good idea of the type of things the person will like ship around, especially on-line since whatever you find in the store is more than likely going to be cheaper on-line. Remember if you find a $100 dollar sweater for your mom for $20 your only cheating yourself by thinking you should get her something more. Your job isn't going to be giving you anymore money next year. This is something my wife and argue over every year. She thinks that regardless of what we pay for a present we should be spending a dollar amount. She would be satisfied if I paid $100 for the sweater, but because I found it for a deal she thinks my mom needs something else. This is why women are crazy.
When you start looking for the perfect present the biggest part is observation. What does the person like to do? What would they like to do? What are they always talking about? What do they have on their desk, in their house, garage, etc?
Example 1: Joyce is a co-worker I have to buy a Secret Santa present for. The Problem is she's in accounting and I work in Sales. Step One: Recon. I need to find a reason to get to accounting to talk to Joe who's cubicle is next door to Joyce, this way I can sneak a peak at her desk that's plastered with pictures of her cats. Bingo a cat outfit or a bunch of cat toys or a gift card to pet smart. Most of the time you don't have to be a ninja about having to know what someone in your family or your friends like. Hopefully you know them well enough to answer the basic question: What do they like?
Observation works with everyone. Find out what they like or want to like and give them something they will more than likely use. If the person loves to cook than TJ Max has nice kitchen ware on the cheap. If the person is a movie buff, tix to the theater. If the person is an alcoholic buy them their favorite bottle of liquor, bottle of wine or box of beer. If they are trendy than a trendy shirt. If their Retro than a vintage T-shirt. If their into their phones or music buy them an album or two on their download site like an iTunes card. If their outdoorsy than a good water bottle or a flannel shirt. If their avid readers than an E-reader from Amazon. If their big DIY people, offer a weekend of their choice of manual labor. The biggest thing is giving a present that represents them not you. If all else fails pick a gift card to one of their go to stores.
In this day and age we have old reliable: The Gift Card. These are great for that person who buys what they want throughout the year. The problem is your attached to the dollar amount unless you are able to find a deal. The reality is finding a discounted gift card only only happen on certain times of year and only a small fraction of the price, they don't give them away fro free. I'm cheap but understand the value of something. If I can find a $1000 camera for $100 dollars, doesn't change the fact the person is getting a $1000 camera. Remember just because you got it for cheap doesn't mean they need to know.
Giving a gift boils down to two things: 1) Observing the person long enough to know what they like, 2) Don't buy something you would like. Number 2 is probably the hardest thing to get past as our Egos in this era has given us a selfish streak we have trouble giving up. I struggle with this myself. The other day when I was shopping in the liquor store, I'm shopping for someone who drinks Whiskey, but I like Bourbon. (Yes their is a difference and if you don't know you might want to educate yourself. Liquor is like wine for those with the ability to drink.) Because of my own selfishness I almost didn't buy the Jack Daniel's Single Barrel. This is one of the biggest fights you face when picking presents for others especially if you either A) don't like the person or B) don't know the person.
Picking the perfect Present for everyone on your Christmas List is all about giving them something they will like.
Hope this Helps,
Rudest Dad
Monday, December 9, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Put the Lust Back into Your Marriage
Long ago when you met your significant other you couldn't keep your hands
off each other. Today you're more concerned about what you're going to have
for dinner than pleasing your partner sexually. This is not unusual for a
couple that has been together for a long time, who have kids, a demanding work
schedule and think maintenance sex is the only sex they have time for. I'm here to tell you that you are wrong my
friend. The problem is most people after the lust phase of their
relationship have trouble rekindling that hot for your body highs again because
well let's face it, you know what they are going to do and how they like to do
it.
So if you want to lust up your marriage or relationship you and your partner are going to have to talk about sex with all the dirty nasty creepy things you want to do to each other. After a decade or more you should be comfortable with talking about sexy, if not you need to start and this maybe the big reason you only have maintenance sex. If you're prudish stop reading now and move on.
Once you establish a dialogue, or plan to start one on such and such date be honest. "I really like it when you do this... and don't like it when you do that..." This is the start. Talk to each other about what turns you on. Whether it is him doing manual labor, playing with the kids, how they step out of the shower, when they comb their hair etc. But make sure you put what else turns you on like yoga pants on hot chicks in the mall or fire fighter calendars. (DO NOT JUDGE WHEN YOUR PARTNER TELLS YOU THESE THINGS. YOU ARE ESTABLISHING TRUST, SOMETHING YOU ARE MISSING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW.) After this; move to the conversation on how you are going to change things up: "Well I really want to try this and put this there..." Now your partner may not be willing to try everything you suggest so don't put all your eggs in one basket. The most important part to recognize is that since your sex life is boring you are going to have to get freaky with each other and be willing to try things you have never thought you would try before. In the end you will find a greater closeness to your partner and rekindle that lusty part of your relationship that will make your kids say "gross". I think this is the best part of rekindling the lust: grossing out the kids when we kiss. It's a great feeling, but it also role models a positive relationship for your kids. Your choice in how you want to look at it.
Lingerie: If you are repressed in your sexual lives adding some lingerie can be a great way to start. The key is to become comfortable with yourselves. If your partner is willing to do this they are still attracted to you and adding a thin and sexy piece of clothing can go a long way. Tips: Shopping on line is a great way to research all the different styles. Don't buy on-line until you find out what your sizes are. Go out to a store and have your partner go try things then send you a picture to see if you like. If you are uncomfortable about doing this there are on-line sites that will be discrete about what they mail you.
Role Play: This can be from full costumes and dynamic characters to horny house wife and delivery man. There are all types of different scenarios out there for you to try. Just pretending to be someone else is not you violating your wedding vows. It's finding out you are human. Why do you think the movie industry is so popular. We enjoy watching people pretend to be someone else, to be lost in the moment of the character. Why can't you.
Watch Porn: Yep I said it. Go on-line and buy a movie you think the both of you would like. If you are savvy enough you can get it on line from the numerous free sites out there. Watching others do it may want you to do it too. Just remember never download porn from the internet, stream it.
Have Sex in Public: This doesn't mean doing it in the middle of the grocery store, but the handicap stall in the bathroom of the super market is fair game. If you are uncomfortable about this go in around midnight in a 24 hour box store or go to the grocery store around 8-9 when everyone else is getting ready for bed. There are all types of places you can take advantage of such as a roof of a large apartment building, just make sure you put something to stop the door from closing it's embarrassing when you get locked out.
Toys: More than likely your wife has a toy or something she uses to help her find bliss without you. There are a million and three types and styles out there. Look and find something you would want to try on each other or on just one of you. Don't be afraid to look, half the fun is getting over that embarrassment feeling. The on-line sites are good about not advertising what you bought and are cheaper too.
Bondage: For most people, the idea of being restrained, being completely at the mercy of your partner is scary and maybe something you are not willing to do. If you do this make rules and safe words (stop-blueberries; yield-hash browns; etc) to let each other know when they go too far or not far enough.
Erotic Stories: Little do you know that your local book store has an entire section dedicated to these types of books. Every type of sexual situation you are interested in, there's a story out there for you. Shit you can find amateur stuff on-line for free. If you're unsure about being seen with written erotica, the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy is an acceptable erotic story every mother in America has read within the last year.
Make a Movie: For most of us our sex lives do not represent a porn. As wonderful and awesome as it looks on your TV, computer or phone, actual good sex is not capable of being captured on a camera well without the help of a third person. The best way to make a film is for you to film your partner pleasing themselves and visa-versa. Filming yourselves together with a camera sitting on a tri-pod or dresser is not very attractive. Sorry.
Photo Shoot: In the digital age you no longer have to take your film to the store to get developed. If you have bought a smart phone in the last year you have a high end camera on hand. This can be a great way to move up the rung with lingerie. Look at pictures and different photography techniques to help make your pictures great. Remember the more fun you have with this the greater your pictures will be.
Get Dolled Up: For most of us in a long term relationship we have seen each other at the worst points, snot dripping down our face, throwing up in the toilet and in that pair of underwear we refuse to give up. The only time we see each other looking good is when we leave for work in the morning and more often than not we're running late so where half dress going out the door. Get dressed up in your best suit and your wife's sexiest black dress, find a babysitter then go out to a nice restaurant you can barely afford.
Master and Servant: For some people, especially those in powerful position crave the need to be dominated by someone. To a degree I understand this as they need to let go, have someone else call the shots for a while. In the opposite direction some people need to be empowered to take control, to dominate another person for self-esteem issues. There's something in the human psyche that wars against inside of us to be dominant or submissive. This is something we associate with black leather and spikes, but actually requires nothing. If you decide this is something to try the same rules of bondage apply: create a contract or something that gives you guidelines in what you are willing and not willing to do. If you're really freaky don't heed this warning. Otherwise make sure to have safe words too.
New Positions: There are some people who never stray from their sexual positions. For most of us we find what works and stick to it. This is human nature but for those of us who need a change a different position can do it. The Karma Sutra, an ancient sex bible has identified over a 100 positions you can participate in. Some of them require some athletic ability but are really worth it if you can figure it out. Plus they make an app for that if you don't want to read the book.
Set time Aside: The most important thing is to make time for each other. This can be the hour after you put your kids to bed, or the hour in the morning before you wake them up, Sunday morning, etc, etc. I'm a big fan of filling this time with sexual exploits but sometimes you just need to hold hands while you watch a movie together.
Make Contact: Men need continual physical contact with compliments too. There is something in our male DNA we associate love with physical contact. The more contact your partner gives you; a hand to the back, a hug, a hand on the shoulder, snuggling on the couch while watching tv or the other thousand ways to do that, are important in rekindling the lust. Also make sure to complement each other at least twice a day, even if you don't want to. You may be having more sex but without this long term habit change you won't address the underlying problems that led to a drab relationship.
Get Over Your Hang Ups: Everyone has baggage. Being in a healthy relationship requires you to realize the person your with is not the person or the people you WHERE with. It would be awesome if you could wipe all the psychological damage those exes gave you. However because we can't we have to learn to trust our partner in the most intimate areas of our lives. Accept each other for your strengths and weaknesses. Hopefully if you have picked the right partner they will be strong in the areas you are week and yada-yada. Trust can only happen when you allow yourself to be vulnerable with your partner. Allowing them to see this part of you and them loving you for it. Part of the damage we earned through our years of living lead us to things we are not comfortable with or willing to deal with. Most women and some men have body image issues. This is going to be the biggest hang-up most of your wives are going to face, especially after giving birth. Inexperience and the fear of trying new things is a big one too.
Exercise: This can be very erotic in its own right. When you exercise you release endorphins into your system which make you happy. If you work out with your spouse you will be happy together. Plus the benefit of making yourselves look good with then allows you to perform in any position when you see each other naked is an added bonus. Remember women don't sweat they glisten.
Rekindling the lust in your relationship is not something that will happen without some old fashion hard work and collaboration in rediscovering your significant other. Let's face it, if you do the same thing long enough you are going to get bored, its human nature to seek out and have new experiences. The question is: Are you going to do that with your partner or go find that somewhere else?
So if you want to lust up your marriage or relationship you and your partner are going to have to talk about sex with all the dirty nasty creepy things you want to do to each other. After a decade or more you should be comfortable with talking about sexy, if not you need to start and this maybe the big reason you only have maintenance sex. If you're prudish stop reading now and move on.
Once you establish a dialogue, or plan to start one on such and such date be honest. "I really like it when you do this... and don't like it when you do that..." This is the start. Talk to each other about what turns you on. Whether it is him doing manual labor, playing with the kids, how they step out of the shower, when they comb their hair etc. But make sure you put what else turns you on like yoga pants on hot chicks in the mall or fire fighter calendars. (DO NOT JUDGE WHEN YOUR PARTNER TELLS YOU THESE THINGS. YOU ARE ESTABLISHING TRUST, SOMETHING YOU ARE MISSING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW.) After this; move to the conversation on how you are going to change things up: "Well I really want to try this and put this there..." Now your partner may not be willing to try everything you suggest so don't put all your eggs in one basket. The most important part to recognize is that since your sex life is boring you are going to have to get freaky with each other and be willing to try things you have never thought you would try before. In the end you will find a greater closeness to your partner and rekindle that lusty part of your relationship that will make your kids say "gross". I think this is the best part of rekindling the lust: grossing out the kids when we kiss. It's a great feeling, but it also role models a positive relationship for your kids. Your choice in how you want to look at it.
Lingerie: If you are repressed in your sexual lives adding some lingerie can be a great way to start. The key is to become comfortable with yourselves. If your partner is willing to do this they are still attracted to you and adding a thin and sexy piece of clothing can go a long way. Tips: Shopping on line is a great way to research all the different styles. Don't buy on-line until you find out what your sizes are. Go out to a store and have your partner go try things then send you a picture to see if you like. If you are uncomfortable about doing this there are on-line sites that will be discrete about what they mail you.
Role Play: This can be from full costumes and dynamic characters to horny house wife and delivery man. There are all types of different scenarios out there for you to try. Just pretending to be someone else is not you violating your wedding vows. It's finding out you are human. Why do you think the movie industry is so popular. We enjoy watching people pretend to be someone else, to be lost in the moment of the character. Why can't you.
Watch Porn: Yep I said it. Go on-line and buy a movie you think the both of you would like. If you are savvy enough you can get it on line from the numerous free sites out there. Watching others do it may want you to do it too. Just remember never download porn from the internet, stream it.
Have Sex in Public: This doesn't mean doing it in the middle of the grocery store, but the handicap stall in the bathroom of the super market is fair game. If you are uncomfortable about this go in around midnight in a 24 hour box store or go to the grocery store around 8-9 when everyone else is getting ready for bed. There are all types of places you can take advantage of such as a roof of a large apartment building, just make sure you put something to stop the door from closing it's embarrassing when you get locked out.
Toys: More than likely your wife has a toy or something she uses to help her find bliss without you. There are a million and three types and styles out there. Look and find something you would want to try on each other or on just one of you. Don't be afraid to look, half the fun is getting over that embarrassment feeling. The on-line sites are good about not advertising what you bought and are cheaper too.
Bondage: For most people, the idea of being restrained, being completely at the mercy of your partner is scary and maybe something you are not willing to do. If you do this make rules and safe words (stop-blueberries; yield-hash browns; etc) to let each other know when they go too far or not far enough.
Erotic Stories: Little do you know that your local book store has an entire section dedicated to these types of books. Every type of sexual situation you are interested in, there's a story out there for you. Shit you can find amateur stuff on-line for free. If you're unsure about being seen with written erotica, the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy is an acceptable erotic story every mother in America has read within the last year.
Make a Movie: For most of us our sex lives do not represent a porn. As wonderful and awesome as it looks on your TV, computer or phone, actual good sex is not capable of being captured on a camera well without the help of a third person. The best way to make a film is for you to film your partner pleasing themselves and visa-versa. Filming yourselves together with a camera sitting on a tri-pod or dresser is not very attractive. Sorry.
Photo Shoot: In the digital age you no longer have to take your film to the store to get developed. If you have bought a smart phone in the last year you have a high end camera on hand. This can be a great way to move up the rung with lingerie. Look at pictures and different photography techniques to help make your pictures great. Remember the more fun you have with this the greater your pictures will be.
Get Dolled Up: For most of us in a long term relationship we have seen each other at the worst points, snot dripping down our face, throwing up in the toilet and in that pair of underwear we refuse to give up. The only time we see each other looking good is when we leave for work in the morning and more often than not we're running late so where half dress going out the door. Get dressed up in your best suit and your wife's sexiest black dress, find a babysitter then go out to a nice restaurant you can barely afford.
Master and Servant: For some people, especially those in powerful position crave the need to be dominated by someone. To a degree I understand this as they need to let go, have someone else call the shots for a while. In the opposite direction some people need to be empowered to take control, to dominate another person for self-esteem issues. There's something in the human psyche that wars against inside of us to be dominant or submissive. This is something we associate with black leather and spikes, but actually requires nothing. If you decide this is something to try the same rules of bondage apply: create a contract or something that gives you guidelines in what you are willing and not willing to do. If you're really freaky don't heed this warning. Otherwise make sure to have safe words too.
New Positions: There are some people who never stray from their sexual positions. For most of us we find what works and stick to it. This is human nature but for those of us who need a change a different position can do it. The Karma Sutra, an ancient sex bible has identified over a 100 positions you can participate in. Some of them require some athletic ability but are really worth it if you can figure it out. Plus they make an app for that if you don't want to read the book.
Set time Aside: The most important thing is to make time for each other. This can be the hour after you put your kids to bed, or the hour in the morning before you wake them up, Sunday morning, etc, etc. I'm a big fan of filling this time with sexual exploits but sometimes you just need to hold hands while you watch a movie together.
Make Contact: Men need continual physical contact with compliments too. There is something in our male DNA we associate love with physical contact. The more contact your partner gives you; a hand to the back, a hug, a hand on the shoulder, snuggling on the couch while watching tv or the other thousand ways to do that, are important in rekindling the lust. Also make sure to complement each other at least twice a day, even if you don't want to. You may be having more sex but without this long term habit change you won't address the underlying problems that led to a drab relationship.
Get Over Your Hang Ups: Everyone has baggage. Being in a healthy relationship requires you to realize the person your with is not the person or the people you WHERE with. It would be awesome if you could wipe all the psychological damage those exes gave you. However because we can't we have to learn to trust our partner in the most intimate areas of our lives. Accept each other for your strengths and weaknesses. Hopefully if you have picked the right partner they will be strong in the areas you are week and yada-yada. Trust can only happen when you allow yourself to be vulnerable with your partner. Allowing them to see this part of you and them loving you for it. Part of the damage we earned through our years of living lead us to things we are not comfortable with or willing to deal with. Most women and some men have body image issues. This is going to be the biggest hang-up most of your wives are going to face, especially after giving birth. Inexperience and the fear of trying new things is a big one too.
Exercise: This can be very erotic in its own right. When you exercise you release endorphins into your system which make you happy. If you work out with your spouse you will be happy together. Plus the benefit of making yourselves look good with then allows you to perform in any position when you see each other naked is an added bonus. Remember women don't sweat they glisten.
Rekindling the lust in your relationship is not something that will happen without some old fashion hard work and collaboration in rediscovering your significant other. Let's face it, if you do the same thing long enough you are going to get bored, its human nature to seek out and have new experiences. The question is: Are you going to do that with your partner or go find that somewhere else?
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