So you are going to be taking your kid out in public with or without your wife who at this point has taken care of everything to do with the diaper bag and basically everything else. She just hands it to you to load it into the car. Now she has given you permission or because she has to go back to work you have to take over going to the grocery store with the kid(s). Here is your basic diaper bag for those of you like me who refuse to carry around the bright pink or blue bag identifying you as a brand new dad. Remember Swag is something you have or fake so no one knows how truly terrified you are of having to take your kid out in public.
A Man's Diaper Bag
First and foremost you need a good looking pack. No man should have to walk around with something found in Baby's R Us. If she gets to spend $50-$100 on a bag you should too. I recommend a backpack as you will need your hands free. I recommend a good day back within the 30-40 Liter range Here are some examples:
What Goes in your Awesome Diaper Bag:
Diapers, Wipes, Butt Cream and Dog Crap Bags
This will always be in the bag until the kids are completely potty trained (3-4 for boys/2-3 for girls). You only need 10-12 diapers (under 2 years of age); 5-6 diapers (2 and up). Find a gallon size freezer zip lock bag and put a good 2 inches of wipes into the bag. Don't buy the travel pack those things will be out before you know it and the travel hard cases just don't hold enough. Red irritated ass needs to be taken care of. Girls need a cream, boys need powder. Last is the Dog Crap Bag, yes that is right, the crap bag. So you just changed your kid in the back seat of your car in the middle of a parking lot an hour away from home with no trash can near you. Guess what that diaper will smell up the entire car and leave a lingering smell for days no matter how well you Febreze. These bags are everywhere, are cheap, has a small easy to use one handed case and do a good job of blocking out that smell. This is your constant and most used items in the bag.
Cooler:
As you know if you have frozen breast Milk, Whole Milk, Juice or anything that needs to stay cold you will need a cooler. If this is your second or third kid or you have older nephew(s), steal or permanently borrow their last year's Lunch Box Cooler. No one will miss it. If not they are cheap as hell and tax free once a year sometime around August. Their simple small and easy to pack with whatever frozen or cold thing you need. Just pop in a frozen gel pack as a liner and add whatever cold beverage you desire. I'm a fan of this style as the bottom allows you to pack snacks or formula in the bottom. The handle makes it easy to find and pull out of your pack.
Thermos:
For those of you with frozen breast milk you want a Thermos filled with scolding hot water. This way when you need to defrost that frozen titty milk you don't have to scramble to find hot water. Just pull it out poor some into the lid and add frozen milk, wait until warm then serve. If you need warm water for formula you need to make it almost scolding hot before you put it into the thermos. This way hours later when you go to feed them the water will be the perfect temperature. (If you will feed them soon put warm water into the Thermos don't burn your kids its a no-no.)
Formula Containers:
For the formula you can find containers you can measure out the scoops before you leave the house. You could also use M&M Minni containers as well for your individual measuring cup. The only problem is it's a pain in the ass to get it into the container without a funnel along with the rest but if you loose it you won't be in trouble (just make sure to clean them well before use). I like them because they will stay fresh and you don't have to replace them every time if they aren't used unlike the rest of them because most of those containers are not air tight.
Water bottle:
Juice/Milk/Pre-made Formula/Water/Chocolate Milk/Daddy's Bourbon and Coke. The water bottle is by far the most useful element in your arsenal after the age of 1. You can fill it with whatever you want, cram it in the cooler and you have instant refill. The key is the water bottle itself. Make sure it's a tight seal and doesn't have any tubes or strays to cause leakage in case it gets knocked over. Also when they stop needing all the fluids you can reuse the bottle as a place to store all those lose snacks they love like gold fish, Cheetos, carrots, trail mix, etc, etc.
Toys:
Lets face it the ipad is the greatest father invention ever. Just give it to them and you only have to stop what your doing to restart the app they accidentally turned off. Here's the trick for that: Go to settings, general, accessibility, guided access; turn that on. Go to the app you want them to stay on hit the home button three times and hit start in the upper right hand corner. They cannot leave the app unless you enter the code. Presto. Make sure you have a heavy duty case like Otter Box or Survival Case because they will drop that toy. Or if you really are a good dad pack your kids favorite stuff. If you are really a good dad you will know this and won't need me to tell you.
Snack(s):
That nifty cooler has a bottom part perfect for all those snacks you need to have to support that growing kid(s) of yours. Most packs come with an electronics pocket located at the top. I recommend having some type of bar or bag of their favorite won't go stale food there for emergencies. Also a zip lock back of gold fish is always fun to hand over to kids in car seats. Remember what you feed your kid is up to you, know what they can handle and don't allow them to kill themselves by cramming to much food into their mouth. Be a parent use your brain and make the right decision. Remember just because it didn't kill them the first time doesn't mean the second, third or twentieth won't. Personally I make a trail mix with Almonds, Gold Fish and Honey Roasted Peanuts that's pretty damn awesome, I put it into a water bottle similar to the one shown above.
Odds and Ends:
Pacifier(s) if you use these make sure to have 2 back ups hidden in your pack
Headphones: For when you have had enough and can't stand listening to whatever they have to say. Pop these in while you smile and nod making all the right sounds letting your kid know you are listening to the no way important thing they are babbling about. Or they are to young to talk to you and just need eye contact once in a while.
Phone charger: Because you've been listening to music all afternoon.
Don't allow yourself to carry those worthless emasculating diaper bags with all that baby crap in it. Just because you had a baby doesn't mean you need to be one too. You are still cool and still struggling with knowing the life you had before kids will never be the same with kids. Hang in there and remember: Just because... or It's cute or any other god damn thing she says changes the fact you are a man and men don't walk around with diaper bags from baby stores. We buy back packs and carry baby things in them.
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