There are more books on how to raise your kid then satellites orbiting the planet. The problem is one will contradict the other. So who should you believe. If you actually read most of that trash the best thing is to pick and choose things that fit your life, you beliefs and culture. You don't believe in allowing kids to explore the world your not going to incorporate the granola life style. Reality is kids have been raised for thousands of years and no matter what, there are going to be good parents and their are going to be shitty parents. If you want to be a good parent there are some basic things that have to done.
First and the most basic is keep it alive. Yes I said "it" children don't have sexual identity until they are older. Yes they have a "penis" or "vagina" but that does not mean they can understand what responsibilities are associated with those private parts. By thinking of them as "it" you allow yourself not to place your own stereotypes and expectations upon them. That comes later. Keeping "it" alive is making sure they feel safe (this is the same as knowing it is loved), fed a healthy diet (titties/formula at first, fruits and veggies, meats, etc), is appropriate clothed (clothes appropriate for the season), and your house is not a deathtrap (gates for stairs, door knobs, outlets covered, etc). Kids have a tendency to find the most dangerous objects where ever they are and play with it. There apparently is a gravitational pull created by dangerous objects kids can't resist. I personally believe this pull is an evolutionary thing. If you can't learn to survive then you aren't worthy of surviving. So I've been fighting evolution in saving each of my kids on a daily basis. Once you get the hang of it, it becomes subconscious.
Second you must set firm set boundaries for them. This is first done physically by gates, shut doors, plugs in electrical sockets, stove covers and in my opinion lifting all the nicknacks, pictures and all the other stuff that makes your home look nice a good 5 feet off the ground. This way they are allowed to explore and you are free to allow them. Now you don't have stand over them every second. Having to yell at your kids every 5 minutes to not touch this or that turns you into a prick. You have better things to do then yell and hover over your kids every second of the day. As they grow they are allowed access to things because they have matured enough to handle doing so. As the first boundaries stop being physical, they become metaphysical. For example: You are not allowed to eat cookies unless you ask. You find their hand in the cookie jar. You must now discipline them. If you don't they will think they can get a cookie anytime they want because you are not going to do something about defying you. Example 2: Your kid crawls into bed in the middle of the night because it had a nightmare. Kid starts having "nightmares" every night and has to sleep in your bed every night. There goes your sex life. Kids are always going to be testing limits. Your responsible is to make sure they know their limits. Otherwise over time your shifting boundaries will let them think they can be little shits because you never punished them for doing what you told them not to. By not setting firm and consistent boundaries, you create a person without morals or ethics. They learn that rules are meant to be broken because a consequence is just a word. People are 99% nurture and 1% nature.
Nature vs. Nurture. Nature is your genetic profile. Are you tall, short, brown hair, blue eyes, etc. Nurture is learned through boundaries and role modeling. If you want your kid to grow up healthy and happy, you have to lead a happy and healthy life. If you and your significant other fight over every last thing. Your kid will thing that is how you talk to people. If you eat like a hog at a trough you can't be surprised your kid is 100 lbs overweight. Parents are kids heroes and when they are young they don't care how much money you have, that you have all the best toys. The happiest kids and most well adjusted are those whose parents set boundaries and role model those boundaries while spending time with them.
Three, be your child's hero. For kids there is no one stronger and braver then their father. No woman more beautiful and caring than their mother. You are prince charming and sleeping beauty (after she wakes up) to your kids. By such you have expectations to live up too. Not because you want to but because you need to if you want your kids to be able to be well adjusted adults capable of supporting themselves being productive members of society. This means you have to demonstrate the behaviors needed to be a strong morally adjusted person. Remember kids want to be you and if your a piece of shit of a person your kids don't have to know, if you show them all the positive things normal people do your kids will become greater then you. You are the first and most influential teacher in your child's life.
Four: show emotional and physical affection toward your kids. Not in the pervert way (if you thought that was what I meant you shouldn't have kids, be around kids, maybe you should find a way to leave this planet or your so spastic your a nut case). Kids are emotional creatures when their young. Showing physical affection allows them to feel good about themselves, your affectionate relationship with them helps creates a connection of safety they can rely on to become emotionally safe internally. Yes the old joke "Your mommy or daddy didn't hug you enough" isn't really a joke. They probably didn't get enough hugs and affection from their family to allow them to establish and maintain lasting emotional connections to others or the exact opposite they become compulsive, overcompensating for their lack of affection seeking it where ever they can. For you fathers with daughters there are two type of promiscuous women: the one with "daddy" issues; the second is because she really likes it and isn't ashamed. I'd pick the second over the first.
How you implement these things is up to you. I'm not coming to your house to show you how you should live. I don't have the time to deal with your problems, I have my enough of my own to deal with. All of this can be broken down to just a few things: 1. Praise and reward your kids when they do things right, punish them when they do something wrong being consistent. 2. Love your kids and don't be shy about showing them. 3. Stop evolution by keeping them alive. 4. Role model the behaviors you want your kid to have.
-Rudest Dad
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